Complicated
by WalkerTRngr
Summary: A song sung at a karaoke event helps bring Harm and Mac together.
1. Default Chapter

Hey sorry I haven't been able to update any of my other stories in awhile but I promise I will soon.  With work and school its been kind of hectic.  Anyway I hope you like this story and reviews are always nice and Happy Holidays!!!!

Mac sighed as she signed off on her last report.  It had been a tough week.  But tonight she was going to have some fun.  She was going to a karaoke benefit with Harriet and some of the women from the book club they had joined.

            "Enter," Mac said at the knock to her door.

            "Hey ma'am.  You excited about tonight?" Harriet asked obviously excited herself.

            "Actually Harriet I am.  We're going to have a lot of fun."

            "Yes we are.  So is the commander coming tonight?" Harriet asked hopeful Mac had told him about.

            "Why would Harm be coming?" Mac asked.

            "Ma'am you're supposed to bring as many people as possible with you, after all we are trying to raise money for charity.  And besides I know he'd _love_ to hear you sing," Harriet said dragging out the word love.

            Mac just rolled her eyes.  Sometimes Harriet was too much.

            "Well I'm sure he has other plans and I have to get going and get ready for tonight so I'll see you later," Mac said effectively ending the conversation.

            "Okay ma'am see you later tonight."

            Harriet waited till Mac had left before she approached Harm.

            "Sir I can I speak to you for a moment?" She asked as she saw him entering his office.

            "Sure Harriet what can I do for you?"

            "What are you doing tonight?" Harriet got right to the point.

            "Are you asking me out on a date lieutenant," Harm teased flashing her is flyboy grin.  It wasn't working.

            "No actually me and the Colonel are going to McMurphy's tonight.  Our book club is hosting a charity to raise money in Emily's honor."

            Harm remembered when Macs friend Emily had died.  She had only been 35 and had died of breast cancer.

            "The theme is western and everyone shall be signing karaoke to country songs.  Well I thought if your not busy you might want to come.  It's for a good cause and I know the colonel would love it if you were there.  She kinda has this stage fright thing so it might be nice to see a friendly face in the crowd."

            "What time is it?"

            "It starts at 1900 sir," Harriet said.  Truth was the show didn't start till 1930 but Harriet was well aware of Harm's great timing so she allowed him some leeway, for 'traffic.'  Harriet and Mac had joked the other day, after the Admiral had chewed out his six, about how Harm's excuse always seemed to be traffic.

            "Okay Harriet I'll see you there," Harm said as he gathered up the files sitting on his desk and his briefcase. 

            Harriet was smiling as she walked down to her car.  She knew that Harm and Mac were meant for each other.  They just needed to see the light and she was going to show it to them.


	2. Chapter Two

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in awhile but I promise to be more on top of my stories from now on ;-) Anyway as always feedback is greatly appreciated! I'll take it all the good as well as the bad just let me know what you think1 Thanks and the usual disclaimers, this story was merely written for fun. Thanks to Alex for all her help!

  


Harriet and Mac arrived at McMurphy's early to help setup for the event.

"Hey you guys ready for tonight?" their friend Kathy asked.

"Of course we are," Harriet said excitedly.

Harriet, Mac and Kathy were opening up the show by singing Shania Twain's "I'm Gonna Getcha good."

"So did hear you that we've raised over $10,000 already in donations?" Kathy said.

"Really? Wow that's great," Mac said as she got all the speakers ready.

Once they finished setting up it was almost time to start.

Harriet looked at her watch and noticed that the Commander was already twenty minutes late. She had told him a time half and hour earlier than the start time and he was still late.

"Oh well the show must go on," Harriet muttered. Harm's lateness was putting a damper on her match making plans.

"What did you say?" Mac asked.

"Huh? Oh nothing," Harriet said embarrassed at her slip.

Harm raced into his apartment divesting himself of his uniform as he made his way to the shower. He was late. He had left work on schedule and was surprised and pleased that he might actually be on time for once. On the way home he had decided to pick up some flowers to give Mac. He had thought he was doing the right thing, but that right thing had cost him nearly forty-five minutes. Right after he had left the florist, an accident had occurred on the beltway causing major traffic delays.

"Now we have a very talented trio of ladies singing Shania Twains' "I'm Gonna Getcha Good."

Don't wantcha for the weekend, don't wantcha for a night  
I'm only interested if I can have you for life, yeah  
Uh, I know I sound serious and baby I am  
You're a fine piece of real estate, and I'm gonna get me some land  


Harriet scanned the crowd but still no sign of Harm. _I wonder where he could be?_

(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can betcha by the time I say "go," you'll never say "no"  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact  
(I'm gonna getcha)  
I'm gonna getcha, don'tcha worry 'bout that  
(Yeah, you can betcha)  
You can bet your bottom dollar, in time you're gonna be mine  
Just like I should - I'll getcha good

Harm had just pulled into the parking lot and could hear music blasting. He couldn't make out the song but it sounded familiar. By the time he got inside and made his way through the throngs of people to the stage the song was nearly over. He was pleasantly surprised to see Mac singing the lead vocals and he had to admit to himself she had an amazing voice.

Yeah, uh, uh  
I've already planned it - here's how it's gonna be  
I'm gonna love you and - you're gonna fall in love with me  
Yeah, yeahOh, I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha real good  
Yeah, you can betcha, oh, I'm gonna getcha  
(I'm gonna getcha) just like I should, I'll getcha good  
Oh, I'm gonna getcha good!

The audience erupted with loud cheers and cat calls being heard all around. Harm was hoping he'd have time to talk to Mac before the next song but she never left the stage.

"Next we have Sarah Mackenzie singing Carolyn Dawn Johnsons' Complicated."

Just before the lights were dimmed again, Harriet spotted Harm, a huge smile spread across her face.

_Finally. I thought he'd never get here._

  


I'm so scared that the way I feel,  
Is written all over my face  
When you walk into the room,  
I wanna find a hiding place.

Harm was mesmerized by the sound of Mac's soft angelic voice.

We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do.  
But now, a smile and a touch of your hand,  
Just makes me come unglued.  
Such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth.  
Is it fact or fiction,  
Oh the way I feel for you.  


Harm couldn't help listen to the words of the song. It was true there had been a time when hugging Mac had been just that, hugging her. But now even that small of a gesture left him uneasy and anxious for hours making him unable to sleep.

So complicated, I'm so frustrated.  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.   
Should I say it.  
Should I tell you how I feel.   
Oh, I want you to know.  
But then again I don't. It's so complicated.

Harm watched as Mac became totally engrossed in the music as if there was nothing or no one else around her.

Oh..just when I think I'm under control.  
I think I got a grip.  
Another friend tells me that, I'm always on your lips.  
They say I'm more than just a friend, they say I must be blind.  
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye.  
Oh, It's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess.   
But think of what I'd  
be losin', if your answer isn't yes.

The last line caught Harm's attention. Then it hit him. The reason why she wouldn't open up is becasue she was afraid of rejection. On the ferry in Sydney she had opened her heart and though at the time he didn't mean for it to sound like a rejection, it had. He realized what a fool he had been all this time. He had been a coward, waiting for her to make the first move. Now he saw that if he didn't do something he would be waiting forever because it was up to him to act. 

As Mac finished out the song she noticed Harm in the crowd and made eye contact. She wondered how he had even known about tonight but she figured Harriet must have told him. Just as the sang the final words she saw all she ever had wanted to in Harm's eyes. Love, tenderness, devotion but she also saw fear. As she was getting off stage she saw him bolt for the door. Mac froze. Tears threatened. Just like that he had run out again. Well now she knew it was never going to happen. This was the last straw. It was now over.


	3. Chapter Three

            Harm raced to his SUV jumping in and peeling out of the parking lot.  The last thing he wanted was to have to get into a discussion with Mac in the middle of McMurphy's.  Now that he knew her true feelings and he was sure of his own he knew he had to have a talk with her, but it needed to be a private talk not one where people and noise were all around.  

Harm got half way down the road and stopped at the next traffic light when he saw a car stop behind him and a person get out.  It was too dark to tell who it was so he just locked all the windows and doors.  Harm was relived when he saw Harriet approaching his car; well he was until he saw the look on her face.  Harm unlocked the doors and let Harriet in the passenger side door.

            "Excuse me sir," she said after she got in. "But what the HELL do you think your doing!!"

            Harm was taken back by her tone.  He knew Harriet could be angry at times but this side of her he had never seen.

            "Huh?" was all Harm managed to say.

            "With all do respect sir you are an idiot.  Do you know what you just did? The colonel is now back at McMurphy's crying like her I've never seen her cry before.  You ran out on her for last time.  I've seen that look on people before.  She's through she's not giving you another chance you blew it!"

            Harm sighed.  Maybe things were worse than he thought.

            "Sir I'm only going to ask you once.  Do you love her?"

            Harm's head shot up.

            "What?"

            "Oh come commander I'm already pretty damn sure of the answer.  Do you love her?"

            "Yes," Harm said looking straight ahead.

            "Well you sure have a way of showing it," Harriet muttered.

            "It's a lot more complicated than it looks," Harm said in his defense.

            "What's so complicated? You love her she loves you.  Neither of you have significant others at the moment so I really don't see what's so damn complicated about it!"

            Harm could tell Harriet was pissed.  Harriet always looked after her friends.  In this case she had to side with Mac and Harm could understand why.  He had been a heel.  He shouldn't have run out.  He should have told her that he wanted to speak to her in private.  But yet again he let his urge to run take over.

            Harm was about to say something when Harriet cut him off.

            "Now I think this situation can still be helped.  She hasn't left McMurphy's yet.  Look Harm I can't tell you what to do but I can tell that if worry about stupid things like the regs getting in the way you could miss out on something great.  I mean I don't know where I would be without Bud or little AJ," Harriet said with a smile.

            Harm sighed.  Harriet was right.  Every time he got close he pulled away and after he pulled away he tried to get close again.  It was a never-ending cycle he finally wanted to see an end put too.  Mac had once said she was sick of this dance well so was he.  No more two steps forward two steps back.  From now on all the steps taken would be forward.

            Mac sat in her car unable to move.  She just kept staring straight ahead reciting in her head a poem she had read awhile back.

Another step and I'm still no closer  

This pathway of broken glass is all around me like the shattered pieces of my heart

  Each step more painful than the last 

  Blood like tears flows and all I can see is your face but I keep walking with no end in sight 

The pain of the glass masking the pain in my heart

 Maybe if I walk long enough the pain will be a distant memory and the glass will disappear 

But I fear if it does so will my heart

            It seemed like each step Mac took it brought her no closer to a relationship with Harm.  Every action she made she tried to think about how it would not only affect herself but Harm as well.  She had been doing that for some time now.  But it seemed like each step was another failure and these failures were taking their toll on her.  But she also knew that when they stopped taking their toll on her then that would be the worst.  Because that would mean that she truly would lose her heart.  It would just stop hoping for love; it would close itself off.  And she couldn't afford to let that happen.  Because if it did, a large part of what made Sarah Mackenzie the women she is would die.

            Mac was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't notice an occupant enter her car on the passenger side till after they had turned on the stereo and put a CD in.

            Alarmed, Mac turned to face her intruder.  She was only slightly relieved to see that it was Harm.  He looked at her and his gaze never wavered which was starting to make her nervous.  Then the soft strains of Michael Bolton's voice filled the car.

            Harm took her hand in his as the music washed over them.

            Mac at first tried to pull her hand away but stopped after she saw the pleading look in Harm's eyes.

You are the candle, love's the flame   
A fire that burns through wind and rain   
Shine your light on this heart of mine   
Till the end of time   
You came to me like the dawn through the night   
Just shinin' like the sun   
Out of my dreams and into my life   
You are the one, you are the one           

Harm never let go of her hand.  When the chorus started he sang along until the end of the song.  
  
Said I loved you but I lied   
'Cause this is more than love I feel inside   
Said I loved you but I was wrong   
'Cause love could never ever feel so strong   
Said I loved you but I lied   
  
With all my soul I've tried in vain   
How can mere words my heart explain   
This taste of heaven so deep so true   
I've found in you   
So many reasons in so many ways   
My life has just begun   
Need you forever, I need you to stay   
You are the one, you are the one 

You came to me like the dawn through the night   
Just shinin' like the sun   
Out of my dreams and into my life   
You are the one, you are the one

            "Sarah you will never fully understand how I feel about you.  I know that my lack of communication when it comes to these things is no excuse.  You should know I feel. You should have no doubts in my feelings towards you.  The truth is tonight I truly realized how deep your feelings for me ran.  I knew I couldn't tell you how I felt in front of all those people with all that noise.  What I should have done was tell you how important this conversation was to me and to make sure we continued to conversation in private.  But as usual some cowardly part of my brain told me to just run, like I've done so many times before.  The truth is what I feel goes way beyond just loving you.  You are my soul mate my other half.  I now can acknowledge the fact that without I know I certainly could not go on living for there would be no purpose."

            At this point Mac, who had promised herself it was finally over between them, was crying.  She couldn't believe what he had just revealed to her.  When she first noticed him in the car she thought he was just going to throw some cryptic apology at her like he always did.  And knowing herself, she knew that although it would hurt a lot she would accept it and they would begin their dance all over again.  She sure as hell wasn't expecting this to happen. Not that you would hear this marine complaining.

            "Mac?" Harm asked when he got no response.

            Instead of telling him what she thought of his declaration she showed him in one breathtaking kiss.

            Outside in the parking lot one very happy blonde Lieutenant was already planning in her head future wedding and baby showers.  With a smile she pulled out of the parking lot leaving, a finally, happy couple alone.

Well that's the end and I hoped you enjoyed it.  The song used is Michael Bolton's "Said I loved you but I lied." And the poem is an original.  Thanks to all who reviewed ^_^,


End file.
